Today was the day. I met with my Oncologist to determine if I would need to start Chemotherapy or not. The Onco DX testing has three categtories-low, intermediate, & high. Low means no chemo as it won’t help you just give you the yucky side effects. High means yes you need it and will benefit from it. Intermediate means maybe or maybe not…depends on your type of cancer. The low range goes from 0-18. I was a 19 – falling in the intermediate range. Doesn’t that just figure….ugh!! One would think since it’s only one point over what the heck it’s only one point. Do I really need Chemo? It’s only one more point…right??? But as my Oncologist put it “you have to draw the line somewhere”. So I will be starting Chemotherapy next week. Having said that it got me thinking about lines.
There are all kinds of lines…..lines in structures, lines in stores, lines to hang things on, lines to talk on, lines to point you here or there, blah blah blah you get the point. Many of us will be standing in long lines in the upcoming holiday season. What fun. NOT!!! Even though they are different types of lines what do the lines ultimately do for us or represent??
What do we get out of these lines? Lines seem to stop us from doing something or restrict us from crossing into a new area. Sometimes they point us in directions that are helpful and useful and sometimes not. Usually they seem confining….limit our range of motion. The pencil cannot go outside the line, don’t step out of line, don’t talk out of line. Do lines provide order in chaos? Keep us from hurting ourselves or others. Direct us to safe places? Control the situations?
How many times do we draw a line in our life and time and time again cross it or re-draw it??? I mean, there are many lines we consciously and unconsciously draw….boundaries if you will that either limit, confine, or liberate us. I think we draw lines in life to make situations comfortable, bearable, tolerable, easy, definable etc. To me, the lines are only really noticeable when things are tough. For me, tough situations call for definable edges to know where I am, where to go, or what to keep in or out. What is or isn’t tolerable.
Well today I am drawing a line. I will not tolerate the shenanigans that my body is trying to play with me. I will not be directed to despair or discouragement. I will continue to keep my smile and my joy….even without hair! Enough is enough! Cancer will not box me in and will not restrict me from the life I have left to live — God willing for a very long long long time.
Pink gloves on—and FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!!!