Where was I….o yes, these darn FRIDAY’s!!!
Sean and I have the first “official” sit down for the news. The official diagnosis. Stage I Grade 3 non invasive ductal carcinoma.
The radiologist is kind and very informative. She answers all of my questions. She is very reassuring and tells me it is early and I have a great prognosis to live many more years. I tell her like I said before, I don’t need these boobs….take them. Be Gone! we laugh and it takes some of the seriousness out of the air…although it is still very much there. I look at Sean and I know he is unraveling inside…trying to be strong and hold it together…but I know he wants to break down but can’t. He is scared and I see it in his eyes, his actions (or lack thereof) and I know it, I feel it. I have know this man since I was 16 yrs. old. But he won’t falter or break, his silence tells it all (for both of us). It is a small lump just barely under 2cm but aggressive.
Let the insanity and chaotic whirlwinds of my path begin….. chose my oncologist, my surgeon, my team, do I have a lumpectomy or mastectomy, will my insurance cover this, will we be ok if I am off work for so long, how will my family deal with this, how will my children feel, will I have reconstruction and who will do it, is this covered? Why am I not crying? Who do I call first, I have cancer.
As we leave the office hugs are exchanged and I feel good. I am ready to fight! Get this out of me. I don’t want this…error error error…this isn’t happening, is it? It is…ok, what next? The ride home is full of going over what we just discussed. What should I do. Are you ok (for both of us)….??? Sean is in denial. I just want to march on do what ever I need to do and get on with my life.
I called all of my family. Posted a pink ribbon in my Facebood status. It is amazing the support and love and prayers that have poured forth unconditionally from my family and friends. Thank you all for your continued love and support. Chains within chains of people I know and know people I know. THANK YOU! Love and blessings to all of you from me.
I chose a surgeon who came highly recommended. By chance, he was the same surgeon who did my daughters gallbladder removal. She had what should have been a routine in and out procedure that turned into a week in the hospital. He found her gallbladder had ruptured and leaked inside her body. Yikes. She is fine and he was amazing. We talked at my first visit. He advised I could chose either a lumpectomy or mastectomy. The survival rate is closer than most people think but most woman chose the mastectomy for peace of mind. He was very informative and it was totally my decision. It seemed he leaned towards the lumpectomy because I am young and it is less invasive. I was to make the choice and in the meantime do an MRI to confirm the biopsy results to make sure the tumor was as it was and no cancer elsewhere in my right nor left breast. Hurry up and wait, again.
I had the MRI and it reaffirmed what the biopsy said. Only the 10 o’clock position in my right breast. The MRI was quite an adventure. Lay on you back, the usual. The second part with dye was interesting. They put a ramp on the table and at the end was a box of sorts with two square holes. Yes, you got it..my boobs were to dangle through. LMAO! While I lay on the ramp, my boobs a dangling, I just kept hearing a song in my head we used to sing at daycamp at the YWCA..(instead of ears I used boobs) ….do your boobs hang low do they wobble to and fro can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier do your boobs hang low….. bahaaaahaaa hahhhaaaaaaa…that just cracks me up!!
Anyway…MRI done decision to make. Lumpectomy or Mastectomy…?? I also had an appointment to meet my Oncologist. Dr. M. Farhat. Great guy. We talk…he tells me what to expect upcoming. He too talks to me on the statistics on lumpectomy vs. mastectomy. He too seems to lean towards the lumpectomy but understands if I want to have the mastectomy. In the end both were very supportive in what I wanted to do for my peace of mind.