Wait, what was I doing??????

So, I am sitting here and I can’t remember what I was about to do. I know it wasn’t frightfully important, but something none the less.

There are times more frequent than others that I begin to do something and then just like that……it’s gone and I can’t remember what it was…

it can be something big or little, no matter…all the same it is gone from my mind. It isn’t that it isn’t important, meaningful, or not what I want/need to do….it’s just gone from my mind. I can’t remember. It is frustrating to try to remember because I know it was there and I know it was important to me but I cannot remember what it was to save my life. I struggle to remember and cannot.

Sometimes it scares me that I can’t remember…
It can be a location/destination, a name, a date, a memory, an errand, the lights, did I shut off the stove, close the garage, go to an appointment and where is it???

It wasn’t always like this. I used to be sharp with my memory and multi-tasking was second nature. No worries. I could remember the most un-useful information there was to not know…now the littlest things are a treasure to remember and hold onto. The hardest thing is knowing that I used to know and was much sharper and had a memory like an elephant.

I was informed by my Oncologist and a friend of mine who is a BC Survivor that “chemo brain” happens. No not me though…it won’t happen to me. Well, I finally give in and yes, it has and is happening to me. Good days, bad days. I know the more stress I am under the worse it is.

I ask that for those of you who know those of us…please, be patient with us….eventually we remember, sometimes we don’t. It’s not like we don’t want to or intend not to…we just honestly don’t.

and I still don’t remember what it was I was trying to remember before I wrote this. UGH!!!!


A tribute to Michelle 9/4/69 – 1/5/15


The link above is for my dear sister/friend Michelle VanCamp McCarthy.

She has gone home to her Lord and is free. Walk gently in His grace and mercy. May His healing oil annoint and finally comfort you. It was a tough fight and you fought hard. Now rest in peace there in heaven.

An entire lifetime can go by without ever experiencing an Angel here on Earth. But I did. My dear Michelle was one of those Angels. She was beautiful, intelligent, fun, and always there no matter what. She had a smile that could light up a room as they say. We had some great times, through thick and thin, good and bad…..I could always lean on her for support, advice, kind words, and strength to get through any situation. I will miss her dearly.

“There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief” ~Aeschylus

Wrapped in Blue Ribbons



When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight ~Khalil Gibran

Today my heart is heavy and wrapped in blue ribbons.

My longime sister friend of over 20 yrs lost her courageous battle with colon cancer yesterday. It was only one year ago that she was diagnosed. She fought hard through the pain and remained steadfast in her faith and love of God.

She was an amazing woman….brilliant nurse, loving mother, dedicated wife, helping hand, a gentle soul. I am truly blessed to have had the privilage to call her my friend. God has called another Angel home. Fly free Michelle VanCamp McCarthy, be received and wrapped in His arms of love; your fight is over and it is time to walk in His grace, love and comfort. I love you and you will never be forgotten, forever etched in my heart.

Are you a human being or a human doing?


Haal-e shommaa chettoreh? Persian for “How is your heart?

When I read this article (click link above) it really hit home to me. It is so true that we are sooooo busy. I thought technology was supposed to make things easier to get them done faster so that we could spend more time with our families and loved ones. Doing things that were fun, relaxing, soothing, balancing ….that was the idea, right? Instead we have made more time to DO MORE that isn’t any of those things. We pack on more more more in a day. More work more stress more hours in a day of BS. I certainly know I am guilty of this. And now, in retrospect, I look back and think…”why didn’t I stop and do more with my family and not my work, nor my busyness nor my BS..?”

Friends and I talk about how when we grew up we played outside, you got dirty, you fought fist fights, not guns, we made up games, talked. When we had arguments we worked it out and at the end of the day you were friends again. Now kids are to busy texting and playing video games …they don’t know how to have real conversations they don’t know how to socially interact with one another to solve problems and come up with creative ideas. It’s sad. They are quick to write each other off and go back to their social media and games because there is always the latest and greatest to replace the former. Most are lazy and just want to sit on the couch and play video games or watch Netflix, and have this self entitlement attitude like it is ok and how dare we challange them. OR like this article we have ourselves and children so jam packed with activities we never see each other. We forget to build FAMILY time, down time, fun time into the schedules.

The following from this article really touched me:

“I am not asking how many items are on your to-do list, nor asking how many items are in your inbox. I want to know how your heart is doing, at this very moment. Tell me. Tell me your heart is joyous, tell me your heart is aching, tell me your heart is sad, tell me your heart craves a human touch. Examine your own heart, explore your soul, and then tell me something about your heart and your soul. Tell me you remember you are still a human being, not just a human doing. Tell me you’re more than just a machine, checking off items form your to-do list. Have that conversation, that glance, that touch. Be a healing conversation, one filled with grace and presence.”

I have been so busy trying to be who I thought others wanted me to be, so busy trying to do what needed to be done, so busy taking care of those around me instead of myself. SO busy trying to make a living for my children working my ass off to give them all the things that make them to busy (video games, iphones, etc.) to even have time for us.

Now it is time to figure out how my heart is. Have the courage to reflect, re-examine, heal, move foraward. Be present in my life so I can be present in others.

So I ask you…Haal-e shomaa chetoreh? How is your heart?

The cancer fighting kitchen


Ok, so it’s sideways…turn your  head

Anyway, I found  this  book  at my  local  library. …Great book with  loads  of  information not  just  receipes.

Check  it  out. .even  if  you  don’t  have  or  never  had  cancer. ..alot of  the  receipes are vegetarian, easy, and  inexpensive. There  are  also  some  great  salmon ideas, soups, smoothies, and  desserts.

It  talks  about  all   the  direct  herbs, spices, vegetables and  their  properties that  help  keep  you  healthy and nourished depending  on  your  needs.

Helps  you  with  protein, dealing  with  chemotherapy side  effects, enhancing  flavor and  dealing  with  taste  changes,  and  optimizing your  nutritional  benefits.